Fear can be paralyzing.
And sometimes, when you start to feel your legs again and you notice the beating of your heart, you decide the only option left is to run away.
But here’s a truth I am learning that I want to share with you: 90% of your fear is all in your head.
And here’s the kicker…. The most influential, loud, convincing, and present voices in my life live inside my head. Now, I am no more crazy than the next gal, but I will definitely admit I am influenced daily by voices no one else can hear. And some of those voices are rooted in fear.
“You’re not good enough.”
“You let people down.”
“You are damaged, broken, and sick.”
“You will never have what you dream of.”
“You are nothing.”
Who gave these voices a house key to the inner temple I have been building?! Someone or something must be to blame for all these “toxic thoughts”!
And so I venture down the rabbit hole of blame and shame – who did this to me? Why did I let this take root?
But none of that really matters. These may not be accurate truths about me, but they are valid feelings. Feelings worthy of love and compassion, not anger, disappointment and shame. And so, when I sense a fearful behaviour or thought, I follow it gently and tenderly.
You’re feeling insecure.
I know. I can see you are hurting.
What’s underneath that feeling of insecurity?
You feel unloved? Unlovable? Oh… come here.
And in this place, I hold myself. Mostly emotionally, but sometimes a self-hug is very comforting. Sometimes there are tears, a nauseous belly, more fears, but I stay with it. Often it’s at this point that begin to write, letting it all out on the page.
And I do all of this without judgement. As if I am actually comforting a close friend. In her time of need, I would never say, “You are so selfish for having these feelings!” or “Watching you cry and sit in insecurity is so pathetic.” But I have said those things and worse to myself when I am at my most vulnerable.
Instead, I offer true friendship and love to the parts of me that are in fear. Through being with these emotions, breathing, writing, crying, meditating, running, staring into space, I begin to open up to the healing powers of the universe.
When you begin to offer yourself love in your times of greatest need, you become your own lifeboat, your own best friend, your own parent, your own guru.
Next time you find yourself paralyzed in fear, seek solitude. Tune in instead of turning away. Face those emotions and tell them they are not only welcome, but that you will be there for them. Strengthen your relationship with yourself by bringing love to all the parts of who you are. Especially the parts you usually push away. Those are the parts that need it the most.